A summary of my journey:
In 2004 I tipped the scales at 212 pounds, eating was something that I did because I was tired, lonely, bored, happy, etc. I had come to terms with the fact that I was born fat and that I would be fat for the rest of my life so my thought was “why not enjoy it?” Because of that thought, I ate and ate and ate. I can remember buying a half gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and, over the course of the afternoon, I ate the entire tub.
About a month later my younger sister began losing weight and spurred me on to start losing weight. I began cutting down on my portions, exercising, and counting calories. This became almost obsessive. Within the first couple weeks I immediately saw a difference. It was encouraging. In 2005, I joined my high school soccer team and by the end of 2005 I had already lost close to 50 pounds.
It finally hit me that I wasnt “fat” anymore. I began thinking, “I can eat this brownie because I havent had one in so long,” which triggered my old emotional feelings. This cause a trend that put 20 pounds back on.
I would go on an extreme diet and eat hardly anything all day, then go to soccer practice at which point my stomach would feel like it was eating itself. After soccer because I was so hungry I would go home and binge eat because I was so famished and then I would feel bad about myself because I had eaten too much.
At times I would only eat one type of food (e.g. fruit, banana chips, etc.).
I remember times when all of my friends were going out and I would stay home to eat. Eat all night. (I look back now and those times make me want to cry.) Then to try to reverse the all night bingeing I would not eat for up to three days at a time and for a borderline hypo glycemic this was not advised. I would go to bed with the shakes and cold sweats praying that I would be thin.
I remember a trip to Florida with my family. For a week, I ate practically nothing drinking coffee to sustain me and curb my appetite. (I know that if you drink enough coffee at the beginning of a day it will make you sick to your stomach and depress your appetite). The end result was 7 – 10 pounds lost. When I got home I felt miserable, tired, and irritable.
In late 2007, I was regularly exercising with a friend but still not seeing any results. My diet patterns were improving though, even though I would eat when I wasnt hungry, I was able to keep the bingeing to occasions, for awhile. I began seeing a therapist to deal with some emotional issues that were tied to my eating habits.
In the summer of 2008 I was 140 pounds and carefully watching what I ate. However still no weight loss. At this point in my life I was still occasionally bingeing. I was fed up with myself and needed a new way to lose weight. My next step was bulimia. I would purge after binge eating to relieve myself of the nastiness that I had just consumed.
In the Fall of 2008, I moved away to Florida for my first year at school. I was finally out on my own. No one watching what I ate, no one around to tell me what to eat and what not to eat. I was not happy with my body, so I decided to do something about it. I survived off of cottage cheese, spinach, coffee, tofu, and chicken broth. At this point in my life the bingeing was more prevalent, I would purge whenever I felt full or sick. (I know how long you need to wait after eating before purging.) In addition to this the Florida heat was so bad that it would make me sick if I ate.
By Christmas of 2008, I was 125. I went home and my family and friends were amazed at the transformation. My parents had heard that I wasnt eating (this is partly true, I was eating small amounts) and that I was always drinking coffee (this was true). They immediately tried to feed me when I got home. I went to a therapist when I was home to try to help with issues, this helped a little bit. When I went back to Florida I joined a pilates class to try to firm up a bit and increase my flexibility. I really enjoyed it.
In the summer of 2009, I met Charlie. He was easy going, relaxed, and patient (typical Florida boy for you). We began hanging out more and more and my purging became less (I didnt want to excuse myself to go purge). We would eat dinner together (nice, healthy meals) and go for walks.
I began working out almost everyday (either jogging, pilates, or bike riding) and eating well.
Finally in Winter of 2009, I am down to 115 pounds. I have decided to go primarily raw. I no longer drink coffee (which is HUGE). My energy levels are higher and I feel better about myself. I still occasionally struggle with bingeing and purging, however it is few and far between. The road to recovery is difficult, but having faith, a support system (family & friends), and healthy hobbies is how I am coping.
My transition to raw and living foods was one of the best things I could do for myself. I no longer count calories. I find that the food is tastier and I feel better when I eat this way. Eating raw and living foods provides me with the enzymes to sustain a healthy system. Currently my obsession with good food, passion for baking, and creativity has led me to create a few raw desserts and food bars that I hope will be enjoyed as much as I enjoy them.